Tone it down!

So why am I so “gung-ho” on angelic marriages?   Have you ever heard people refer to their spouses as devils?  Many wives and husbands have labeled their spouses as devils based on their behaviour towards them. Many homes are plagued with domestic violence and verbal abuse, that they describe their marriage as a living hell or sleeping with the devil.  However, when a spouse treats his or her partner very well, lovingly, selflessly, as God’s gift what type of accolades do you expect? Angelic ones.

My parents were married for over 60 years and none of their ten children ever heard them quarrel. Mom called my dad ‘angel’ because of the way he made her feel.

Some barriers to effective speech that may result in quarrels

• Knows it all – gives orders, directions, commands, and threats.
• The “moralizer” – tries to provoke your conscience to make you feel guilty for things said or done.
• Put-downs – these folks judge, criticize and blame. They name call, ridicule, and shame:
• The corrector – he/she has the compulsion to correct you while you are speaking.

Try these effective speaking rules:

• Choose the right time to communicate with your spouse. – Your subject may be well taken, but your timing may be off.
• Develop a pleasant tone of voice – It isn’t always what you say, but how you say it that counts. A soft, calm voice is very soothing. Pro 15:1 A kind answer soothes angry feelings, but harsh words stir them up.
• Tone it down, speak softer, resist the temptation to shout or name call. Speaking loud and harsh words are selfish and controlling methods to always be the dominant one in the conversation.
• Be clear and specific – Explain what you mean in a non-condescending manner to avoid misunderstanding.
• Be positive – Be less negative and more positive and appreciative.
• Be courteous and respectful of your mate’s opinion.
• Be sensitive to the needs and feelings of your mate. – Develop patience, sensitivity, and empathy.
• Develop the art of conversation. – The more time husbands and wives spend talking with each other; the more likely they are to report a high level of marital satisfaction.

Rom 3:17  They don’t know how to live in peace. This is a quote from the prophet Isaiah. He was lamenting that people have not found the path to peace. If you have Jesus, you should have peace because He gave us His peace. Jn 14:27. If you have the Holy Spirit you should have peace, it’s one of the fruits. Gal5:22. If you chose not to worry, pray about everything, and manage your thoughts you would have the peace that passes understanding. Phil4:6-8.  All this will result in better communication.